I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
