Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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