dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize