i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
