Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
