I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
