I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
