last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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