So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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