I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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