We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
