I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize