At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize