Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
