I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
