I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
