Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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