i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
