After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Are we still banned from the library?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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