dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just tell him i said nine months
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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