I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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