I hate all girls vehemently.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
