New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
and i looked up. we had an audience...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
