My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
