Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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