Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize