so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
