man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
