dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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