cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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