I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
