In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
