I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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