I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
