ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
