Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
