So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
