HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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