Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
