her vagine was all disorganized.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
