I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
