OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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