HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
