He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
