im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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