you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
