I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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