i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
