M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
