Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize