what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
