tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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