i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
