dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
