like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Congratulations! We have a period
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize