Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
