your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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