i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
