Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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