We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
