Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
