I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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