Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
