Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
