Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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