Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
