can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
