this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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